Division of Self
by Jada-Leigh McGregor
I have a part of me
That only half the world sees
Its lesser known twin
Starved of sunlight
Is for my brethren
Few and far between
My outward projection
A safe and soft-spoken, kind and caring me
Created for their comfort
Pristine, wrapped in the same stuff as grandma’s couch
She exists for the vast majority
So I can make them rest easy
With my quiet, un-radical doctrine
My façade is starting to feel a lot like me now
And that would be fine
If there wasn’t this furious red-hot beast
That I never feed
Living inside of me
At any point on the brink of being unleashed
I keep her at bay, just about
Shown only to a select few
Entrusted with my whole identity
But she’s always in my company
Bubbling under my passive phrases
She suffers for release
I douse her destructive fire
I quell her escapist desires
And push her further beneath the surface
She can’t be seen
Lest I confirm their suspicions
About anger and black women
But I am angry
And I am tired
Full of well-wishing but also
The inescapable fear
That people will never change the way I want them to
I just hope that our futures stop mirroring the past
That hope keeps the spark lit behind my eyes
Author Bio
Jada-Leigh McGregor is a sophomore at Oberlin College pursuing Creative Writing and Law and Society majors and a minor in English. Originally from London, Jada-Leigh currently lives in Brooklyn, New York. Though she has been writing her whole life, Jada-Leigh only began writing poems because it was required for an English class in high school. While she's had many hobbies over the years, including fencing, volleyball, crocheting and the violin, writing is the only one that stuck, and now she intends to pursue it as her career.
